Being too nice can give rise to a lot of challenges. While you are trying to please everyone, people can take advantage of you. Also, if you don’t care about your needs, no one else will either. You want to be your number one advocate. When you respect yourself, other people will respect you as well.

Use these techniques to be good to yourself and stop being too nice:

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1. You can be a great person without being to agreeable to other people’s needs.

Those that are too nice often believe that the more they do for others, the worthier they are of approval and love.  However, this is not usually the case.

Sacrificing yourself excessively isn’t sexy or cool. You’re actually not being true to yourself by ignoring your own needs.  Remember that you are your own best friend and its important that your own needs are met on a regular basis.

2. Be assertive.

Speak out! Let others know what you think, want or need. They might choose to ignore your requests, but you’re just as free to make those requests. Start by giving your opinion when the situation is appropriate. If your friend suggests a certain restaurant, be comfortable saying, “I’d rather go to the beach cafe for lunch. Is that okay?”

You might believe that you’re pleasing others when you let them have things their way, but that’s not always true.  You’re boring and irrelevant when you don’t have an opinion. Avoid being bossy or rude, but let others know what you think. Besides they might value your opinion and the different perspective that your idea brings to them.

You're in Control Speedometer Agressive and Assertive

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3. Do something you want to do, but are afraid others won’t like.

Get that tattoo of a falcon you’ve been dreaming of since you were 14. Go see a movie by yourself or go to the store without combing your hair. If you’re not hurting anyone, just do what you want.

Practice not caring what others think. You might find it quite liberating!  However, that’s not a license to be inconsiderate or rude. If you want to dance around in your front yard, why would you let the opinion of anyone else stop you? – Besides you never quite know what others are thinking of you anyway.

4. Review your boundaries regularly.

As you act in a manner that takes your own needs into account, your boundaries will change. Evaluate those boundaries and make the necessary adjustments. You don’t want to be a pushover, but you also don’t want to take advantage of others.

5. People that are too nice are often overly passive or aggressive.

Being nice all the time can become frustrating. Invariably, you’re giving more than you’re receiving. Unless you’re Mother Teresa, there’s a breaking point. You’re either controlling others or being controlled by them.

When being nice feels good, do it! – When it starts to feel bad, then you’re giving out a different energy which is less likely to result in nice things coming back to you.

6. What’s the worst that could happen if you failed to please someone?

Does the idea of disappointing someone feel uncomfortable? Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” You probably please them 90+% of the time anyway.

The Key Takeaway

Are you too nice? Always trying to please others is a poor strategy for a happy and fulfilling life. It’s not an effective way to meet your needs or gain the respect of others. Of course, you want to be kind, but also ensure that you’re taking good care of yourself, too.

To your success.

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Paul

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